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imkele
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PostSubject: I can't stop crying...   Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:32 pm

I haven't spoken to my husband since Thursday evening. I got a text from him around 8:30 Friday evening saying that his friend had just woke him up and he'd call me in a bit and then absolutely nothing since. I know that he's okay. He's just not calling or answering my calls or returning any of my texts. I have no idea why he's giving me the silent treatment but it is tearing me up. I haven't been able to stop crying. I can't sleep or eat and it's making me sick to my stomach. He pocked dialed me today and I was elated when I saw that he was calling me but he wasn't there. I yelled into the phone begging him to talk to me and when he heard my voice, he hung up on me. I was destroyed. I don't know what is going on and he won't talk to me. I'm so hurt. We've had our share of problems but things have been good between us and we are very close to being together again. I'm so confused and hurt. I don't know what to do.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:53 pm

i am really sorry honey i hope that things get better!
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Mon Jun 23, 2008 12:18 am

I'm sorry, I hope that he calls you soon and that everything goes ok!
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:53 am

im sorry, i hope things get better!
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:57 pm

I called his Chaplain this morning hoping that he would talk to him and find out what is going on. I had to leave a message for him because he was with someone when I called. I just got off the phone with him and he said that he contacted my husband's Chief because tis is not the first time that I've called the Chaplain and the last time he spoke to my husband, he told him that f he did not make things better, that he would contact his Chief about it. He didn't want to get him into any trouble but he would if Pete didn't get his act in gear and start taking care of his family. I didn't want to get him into any trouble ad I really hope that this doesn't make things worse between us. And on top of everything, on my way to an appointment this morning, I hit a bird and killed it. Just to make me feel even worse. What's next? I don't think I can handle one more thing. I ended up in the hospital in April with TIAs because of stress related migraines. My neurologist told me that I need to reduce stress because I could end up having a stroke if I don't. Now my stress level is at an all time high and all of my friends are not there for me and my husband, my best friend, is causing me the most stress. Not to mention my girls. I won't even get into that. Self absorbed teenagers. Enough said. At least they are helping me with the baby. Sorry. I'm just losing it. Thanks for the well wishes.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Mon Jun 23, 2008 2:16 pm

awwww. sweetie just take a breather...i hope for the best though. keep us updated. im sorry he is treating you like that. you deserve to at least know what is going on. you dont deserve to be treated like that. but keep your head up. hopefully its just a phase and he will come out of it.
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:32 pm

I still haven't heard anything from my husband. I did get some sleep last night after speaking to my best friend in Thailand late last night. She helped me to calm down enough so that I could sleep. I slept later this morning than I wanted to so I called the Chaplain about 2 1/2 hours later than I was supposed to to let him know that I had never heard from my hubby or is Chief yesterday. By the time I called, he was out of the office. I hope that he gets back in the office and calls soon. I still don't have any idea what is going on with my husband's orders, our son's birthday is in 5 days and we have to be out of our apartment in a month. I finally ate something last night and kept it down but it was hard. I did get up really early this morning and got sick. I can't deal with this stress. I don't know why he's doing this to me. Everything was fine the last time we spoke. I'm so confused.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:04 pm

Hun you need to think about yourself. If he is going to act like this you don't need that. Think about your health & what's best for the baby...?
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:02 pm

I finally heard from him today. Mind you, this is after I called him at work this morning and got him in trouble for pulling him out of muster. I told him that I didn't want to get him in trouble, that was not my intent, I was just desperate to talk to him. I cried the entire time. He told me that he loved me and he'd call me later. He did. He called me around noon today. He told me that he did get his medical evaluation and that he was seeing the career counselor today to get his orders. Now I'm just waiting to hear from him to find out what's going on with the orders. I just got a text from him saying that he's still at work and he'd call me when he's back in his barracks. He BS'd me saying that he sent me text messages over the past several days and the reason that he didn't call was that he's been taking care of things there. That he's been going to bed early. If he wanted to call he would have and if he had sent me any text messages, I would have gotten them. I even sent him an email to work that he never responded to. So we have a lot to talk about when he calls. Hopefully, he will call later like he said he would. Thanks for all the support. I've really needed it. I'll keep you posted on the state of things. <HUGS>
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mjrose514
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Wed Jul 02, 2008 1:42 am

I hope it all worked out, sorry you're going through this, why do some men feel the need to do that?
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Wed Jul 02, 2008 1:48 am

im not entirely convinced men really understand how much we worry about them when theyre away...its really frustrating. i hope everything works out for ya!
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:53 pm

Thanks. Everything seemed ok for a few days again and then he said he's call me Sunday night when he got back to his barracks and he never called. I got a few text messages from him on Monday. One of which said that he was being tested for MRSA because he has an abscess on his ear. When I mentioned to him again to pay the cellphone bill, he stopped texting me and never called me Monday night. When I text him Tuesday, he sent me a text saying that he was busy at work and never called. I have no idea what is going on and now I have to use the rent money to pay the cellphone bill so that I am not cut off from the world. He only sends a little bit of money home and keeps the majority of his pay and BAH for himself. He was paying the cellphone bill until about 2 months ago and now he says he will and then doesn't. I'm so worried about him and he's just shutting me out. Riley, our 2 year old, wanted to call him last night and left him several voicemail messages last night and didn't understand why Daddy wouldn't talk back to him. How do you explain to a 2 year old that Daddy won't call him and won't answer the phone when he is calling him? He cried himself to sleep calling out for his Daddy. It broke my heart.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:59 pm

wow....I dont know what advice I can give.Ive only been in this situation from the "dating" side of things and not marriage.And when the guys weren't returning my calls it was because they didnt have the balls to dump me.

I dont know what you could do about the whole money thing.Is there any other levels of his command you could discuss this with? This will look very bad for him if he is not providing for his family,and he can get in trouble.The military doesnt take it lightly when their sailors/soldiers/marines/etc. are not looking after their family.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:41 pm

Hugs

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Rachel
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:25 pm

UncleSamWifey wrote:
wow....I dont know what advice I can give.Ive only been in this situation from the "dating" side of things and not marriage.And when the guys weren't returning my calls it was because they didnt have the balls to dump me.

I dont know what you could do about the whole money thing.Is there any other levels of his command you could discuss this with? This will look very bad for him if he is not providing for his family,and he can get in trouble.The military doesnt take it lightly when their sailors/soldiers/marines/etc. are not looking after their family.


im going to have to agree because not only is he shutting you out, but hes shutting his 2 year old out...and thats not cool. seems like he needs to man up and say whats on his mind and start taking care of his responsibilities. im really sorry youre going through this. being apart is bad enough without them acting like jerks.
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:52 am

I've spoken to his Chief a few times about this situation before and he just blows smoke up his ass and the Chief believes him and all is well for him and the Chief never follows through. I have NEVER gotten any support from the Navy in any way shape or form where any of this is concerned. They are really nice to me on the phone and then nothing ever happens. When I talk to my husband, he tells me how they are making fun of me. Nice huh? I guess he's just making me out to be some sort of psycho or something. I even went out there in January and he got into a lot of trouble because he was supposed to be SIQ and when they went to find him, he wasn't in his barracks. He was at a friend's house. BUSTED!!! He blamed me for getting him into trouble. He claimed he was there to get something to eat because there was no food in his quarters. Whatever. He was in the wrong and he got into trouble for it. If he was where he was supposed to be, he wouldn't have gotten into trouble. That was all he got into trouble for. Not for ignoring his family and not providing for us. Just for not being in his quarters when he was SIQ. He was told to give me money. That was all. Not to change his allotment so that he is providing for his family. No. The Chaplain has even spoken to his Chief and told him of the situation here and nothing has been done. So I have absolutely no faith whatsoever in the military taking care of families. That is just a big facade.

He sent me another text message this afternoon saying that he'd call me after work. Also saying that he was going to start taking his meds in the evening so that he doesn't fall asleep right after work anymore. He never called and I feel that if he wanted to call, he would call before he laid down to go to sleep. He would make a point of it. He needs to grow up and get his priorities straight.

I'd really like to know who he is and what they did with my husband because in the past year, instead of growing up, he has reverted into a child. I guess it has to do with hanging around a bunch of single, unattached, self-absorbed 19-22 year old kids. No offense to anyone who is that age but there are kids that age and adults that age and he's hanging around a bunch of kids. Hell, I know kids who are my age. LOL!

Sorry about writing another book.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:16 am

Its fine.

I think if it is like this then...you just need to assume he wont help you,and welcome to being a single parent.Start looking into childcare and getting a second job,or getting a job period if you dont have one.

Desperate times call for desperate measures,and Id say this is it.

Every command is sadly different.Im sorry the command is putting you through this.

But I would just say assume from here on out that you're a single parent and maybe start threatening divorce.

Who knows what that will do...

Good luck and if there is anything we can do...let us know.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:13 pm

Wow.

What a mess hun. I'm sorry :( *hugs*

I would be SO livid. That is unacceptable, especially since there is a child involved...

What do you think hes REALLY been doing? I wouldn't believe that sleeping/ busy bit for a second. My husband works his ass to the bone and still emails/calls at least once a day.
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mjrose514
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:43 pm

oh hun I'm sorry, but from experience when things like that start happening something is going on. Do you guys have a joint or seperate accounts? Do you have a power of attorney where you could go and get money from his account, or one of his checkbooks where you could write yourself a check to your account or even just checks to pay the bills. That's one reason that I'm making my dh put me on his account I don't want to have to deal with something like that.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:52 pm

mjrose514 wrote:
oh hun I'm sorry, but from experience when things like that start happening something is going on. Do you guys have a joint or seperate accounts? Do you have a power of attorney where you could go and get money from his account, or one of his checkbooks where you could write yourself a check to your account or even just checks to pay the bills. That's one reason that I'm making my dh put me on his account I don't want to have to deal with something like that.

Ditto and unless hes E04 and below or anything enlisted period...what the hell does he need $1,200+ in BAH when he friggin LIVES IN THE BARRACKS?!?!?!

I cant fathom DH doing something like this...but if he did and his parents couldn't get through to him then I would consider myself a single parent,and meet with Legal.I got screwed over by a lot of my exes,because of situations like this (they never returned my calls,said theyd text me or call,never had the time...etc.) Ive told DH if he does it Im leaving him.I dont tolerate this crap anymore.If I take time out of my day to email/call someone,the least they could do is return the favor.

I wish I had a quick fix all answer for you.But I dont.Other than what I'd know to do from my dating experiences.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:33 pm

yah! go to the bank and TAKE the money. i bet he'll call you then lol
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:04 pm

We have a joint account but he only puts $900 into that account and puts the rest into his own personal account and the power of attorney has expired. Also, getting to his bank is a pain in the butt because it is in Virginia and takes over an hour to get to it and close to 2 hours to get home since I'm in Baltimore. When all of the money was going into the joint account, I had to open a personal account so that I could transfer most of the money so that I could pay the bills. When his "friends" found out about it, one of them told him that he needed to open his own account at another bank and only give me 1/3 or less of his total income including the BAH because it was his pay and not mine and he was not responsible for the bills or taking care of me and that I needed to get off of my fat, lazy, mooching ass and get a job and pay all the bills myself. I left enough money in the account for him to live off of but he wasn't able to pay his friends' way where ever they went and whatever they did and she got pissed and butted her nose into our business and he let her. He wanted to buy crap off of Ebay and go out and party all the time. I haven't been able to get a job due to health reasons and he knows that but he says that I'm just making excuses because he's not here to actually see the problems that I've been having and he has that little whore telling him bullcrap all the time. She has done everything in her power to destroy my marriage, all the while, telling me she is my friend and all she wants to do is help. I told her to stay out of my husband's life and to stay away from him and to stop telling him what to do with our finances. When that didn't work, I contacted her husband and told him what she's been up to and he wasn't at all impressed.

At this point, since we are so close to being reunited again and I've held on for this long, I'm going to stick it out and see what happens when we are together. If things don't change and he doesn't go back to the man that I married, I'm going to have some serious decisions to make. They are going to be very hard but I have to do what I have to do for my own sanity and the welfare of my children. I just love him so much and I really want to try to see if it will get better. He promised me that he will go to marriage counseling when we are back together and I am going to hold him to that promise. If he doesn't, I'm going to do what I have to do.

He joined the Navy so that our son wouldn't have to be raised by a babysitter and so that he could get training and have something steady with benefits. Now, he's swearing that all of that isn't true even though that is what he told everyone and he is a completely different person. He is selfish and childish. He was a totally devoted husband and father. Not only to our son but to my daughters. And now it's like he could care less about anything or anyone other than his new found so-called friends that kiss his ass all the time. Basically, if you don't wear a uniform, you don't mean a thing to him anymore. He doesn't even speak to any of his old friends anymore. Not even his best friend. I just don't get it.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Sat Jul 05, 2008 11:02 am

Dude...you have got waaaaaaay more patience than I would.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I dont know what I would do in your shoes.

Im sure you couldn't even fathom being at this crossroads.I hope for your sake,and your children's sake you can figure out a good solution to this problem.

::hugs::
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:59 pm

oh hun, I know what you're going through, minus the kids. I respect your decision to try and work it out, that's harder than leaving I think, and no one will be able to say you didn't try your hardest. You might want to tell him you respect him and his friends, but if he can't see what she's doing then he's going to have to make a choice between her or you because you will not play second fiddle to another woman, especially a married one. I've been there and I can't say that everything worked out for the best, but at least he did choose me (there were other problems besides other girls, including in laws). But hold him to counseling because if he doesn't take that initiative then the marriage isn't all that important to him. It's going to be hard because you'll just want things to go back to normal, and for a while they might, but it doesn't actually solve anything, so it's important to go even when life gets crazy. also if it's money that's a big concern let him know that you don't need him, you two should be working together to coexist as one and your contribution is everything you do at home and if he wants to pay someone to do the job you do he'll pay handsomely (personal assistant, personal mover, nanny, cook, maid...). Let him know that yes you do his is pay, but that's what a married couple does, if he couldn't work and you did, you'd be supporting him, without question. An if it comes to it you have friends and family all aorund that would be willing to take you and the kids in until you get back on your feet. Once he realizes you're not with him for the money and benefits and you're willing to leave all that for a better life he may startt o come to his senses. But (and I have this problem) do not exect change overnight, if you see overnight change then he's trying yes, but he's not fixed! ver important it doesn't happen overnight. Good luck and I wish you the best.
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PostSubject: Re: I can't stop crying...   Sun Jul 06, 2008 12:22 pm

The thing is, for a few years, I did support him when he either didn't work or only worked a part time job and he stayed home with my girls, made sure they got their homework done and took care of the house and cooked the meals and did the grocery shopping and laundry, etc. I had the only car for awhile and he used it a lot when I was at work and there were a few times when he didn't come to get me on time and I had to sit and wait for him for hours to come and get me. Yet I stayed and the bills got paid and even his bills got paid, by me. And part of that time was even before we were married. Now, his is the only income and here I am, 800 miles away from him and he's being told by a child who has no responsibilities & no children, that he doesn't have to do anything for us and he listens. AND the Navy doesn't do a thing at all to help me and my children. I have been told by so many people that the military doesn't stand for this kind of behavior. Then how is it that I have received absolutely no support from them? I've had smoke blown up my butt and then after talking to him, absolutely nothing gets done and he tells me that all they do is make fun of me because I don't work. I don't know if that part is true or not but the fact that they have done nothing to help my situation is.
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