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 We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)

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imkele
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PostSubject: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Fri Jul 11, 2008 1:33 am

I haven't spoken to my husband since I called him from a friend's phone on Saturday and all he did was cuss me out, scream at me and hang up on me after he told me that he would cal me on Sunday. Well, no phone calls at all, no texts, Nothing. Won't answer the phone when I call.

I spoke to the Chaplain this morning and he told me that according to the career counselor, Pete was supposed to go back to see her to negotiate his orders with her and the detailer. He never went back and she was pretty upset. Well, about 2-3 hours after the conversation with the Chaplain this morning, I get a text from Pete telling me that he got his orders. FMF with the 1st Marine Division. He's a Corpsman. He leaves Great Lakes in October. I ask, "so what about us?" He says, I don't know, go to Fleet and Family Services and I'll email you a copy of my orders. I asked why he never went back to the career counselor to negotiate his orders. He says this is what they had and gave me. BULLSHIT! He never went back. He left me and the children high and dry with no place o live in 3 weeks. He knows that the landlord gave us until August 1 to vacate this apartment and he told us not to worry about it. That he would do his best to make sure that he got orders so that we had housing before the end of this month and then he does this to us and doesn't even have the decency to call me or answer the phone when I call him.

My heart is broken. If you would have asked me a month ago what the state of my marriage was, I would have said, stressed but getting better every day. 2 weeks ago, my world came crashing down around me when for absolutely no reason, he just stopped calling and when I tried talking to him about it, he screamed and yelled at me, gave me bullshit reasons and told me that he would talk to me the next day. God forbid I tell him when he's done anything that is clearly wrong how it has effected me or the kids in any way. He flips out on me. I even watch how I say things to him and no matter what I say or how I say them, it's wrong.

Now, he's being sent to FMF school. Marine training. He's being put with a platoon of Marines now and just might be shipped off to Iraq or Afghanistan or somewhere out there sometime in the next year or less. My emotions are all over the chart right now. I haven't been able to eat a thing all day. Yes, I did try but after 2 bites, I was so nauseous that if I ate one more bite, I'd have been sick.

Also, the Chaplain got fed up trying to contact his Chief so he contacted the Master Chief yesterday and explained the entire situation to her. Money situation, housing situation, everything. He was going to speak to her again today. He seems to think my husband is telling his Chief that all is well when it is not and the Chief is not following up like he should so he went to the next level. I'm going to call the Chaplain again in the morning to see what, if anything he found out today and let him know what happened on my end. I'm also going to call Military One Source tonight and then go to Fleet & Family in the morning. Hopefully someone can help us.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Fri Jul 11, 2008 2:35 am

i am so sorry about everything. i hope the best for you and your kids. it does not help when he does not talk to you or answers your calls. i hope everthing works out for you adn gets better.

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Fri Jul 11, 2008 3:13 am

I'm so sorry girl. I hope everything works out, and that there are lots of people willing to help. good luck with everything. you and your kids will be in my prayers.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Fri Jul 11, 2008 3:46 am

Thanks. I know that there are 2 people who are willing to help. The only problem is that they have crazy work schedules. Hey, even a couple hours here and a couple hours there is better than nothing.

I finally found out what FMF meant. I went online and researched it. LOL!
FMF = FLEET MARINE FORCE

It's when the corpsman join a Marine platoon. Woo-freakin-hoo.

2 migrane preventative medications and I'm getting a bad migrane... this isn't good at all. I'll post tomorrow and let you know what Fleet & Family Services had to say. Military One Source gave me some numbers and a website that may be able to give us financial help until we PCS.

Goodnight.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:43 am

Goodluck....

You're in my prayers and I wish we lived closer because I would help you out any way I could.

Can Navy Marine Relief Society help you at all?

Hopefully the Master Chief can help.The evidence is there.Your husband needs to get his s*it together,and get a good punch in the face :flower:

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Fri Jul 11, 2008 3:46 pm

wow girl, i dont even know what to say. you will definitely be in my prayers also and i hope the chaplain gets somewhere with the master chief.
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:38 am

I spoke to the Chaplain this morning and he hadn't been able to get a hold of the Master Chief today to find out anything but he was going to continue to try to locate her today. I went to Fleet and Family Services today and they weren't really any help at all. Basically, she told me that my husband isn't attached to this base and they aren't responsible for us. That I can talk to my landlord and see if he'll extend the lease until we PCS. I can go to Social Services and explain my situation and beg them for help. Or my husband and/or his command can contact the new command and see if we can PCS to the new command early before he goes out there. Now that is probably slim to no chance of that happening because he has to go to training at Camp Pendleton, CA on Oct 11 and then report to Twenty Nine Palms, CA on Dec 20. I sent him a text this afternoon telling him that I needed to talk to him about what I was told at FFS and that it was urgent. He told me that he got off work at 1600. Which meant to me that he'd call me around then. No phone call and he is still refusing to answer my calls and hasn't answered another text since. He's doing a really good job at pushing me and the kids out of his life. He's losing me so quickly and apparently the fucking Navy really doesn't give a shit about the families that are left behind. They proved that to me today. When I explained the money situation to that woman at FFS and the housing situation, she was really unsympathetic and was like, well, what do you expect the Navy to do about it? FUCK THE DAMNED NAVY!!!!! They feed you a whole bunch of bullshit that they take care of the families and they are nothing but fucking liars. They don't give a damn about anything or anyone!!! I am so ashamed to be a fucking american it is not funny right now. They train them that it is perfectly ok to treat your family like shit and that you don't have to support your family. The Navy creed is bunk. My husband left home as a man, a good father, a good husband, someone with values. Now he's something that is completely indescribable. Someone I don't know. It's killing me. He's destroying our marriage, our family. I don't know why.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:46 am

i am so sorry i really wish there was something i can do to help. my hubby is starting to feel the same way about his boat they really dont care about the sailor's family. we are the ones ho suffer when they tske our sailors away for months at a time and then expect us to be ok when they mess up or anything. i thought the navy is suppose to be all about family. well i guess they are showing thier true colrs. i am really sorry ans wish i could help in some way or another. i ma here just pm me . k keep youir head up . the navy cant be all that bad

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:17 am

Sweetie I wish there was something that I could do to help you out! How long will he be at Twenty Nine Palms? Maybe you can call the base and see what they have in the way of family housing there? I know it's a stretch but it wouldn't hurt to try and see! I can't believe that no one at FFS couldn't help you out....that is unreal! I would definately keep on the Chaplain and see if anyone has gotten ahold of the Master Chief.

Keep your head up Sweetie! Stay strong for youself and you kids! If you need someone to talk too you can always PM me!

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:37 pm

I don't know how long he'll be at Twenty Nine Palms. That's his permanent duty station. But for how long, I have no idea. The Bupers Orders are kinda hard to read. I'm out of my mind with all of this shit. My husband is just making it all worse by ignoring me. I'm about ready to take a trip out to Great Lakes to confront him face to face during the week so that his Master Chief and the Chaplain can be there too. I don't know what else to do. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really need to contact my landlord but I haven't had the emotional strength to do that as of yet. I'm having a really hard time getting it together. How much is one person supposed to endure before breaking? Why is he doing this to me? Why is he doing this to our children? I just don't get it.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:25 pm

If that's what it takes for him to get his head on straight then do it! Maybe having all of this in his face will finally put things into prospective for him! Have you heard anything for the Chaplian?

*BIG HUGS*

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:40 am

No. Nothing from the Chaplain at all. He tells me that he'll call me back and then he never does. Par for the course for everyone with the Navy. No one is reliable and no one stands by their word. That has been my entire experience with the Navy for the past 2 years. Ever since he signed up and we were dealing with the recruiter. They tell you what you want to hear and the truth is something completely different.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:19 pm

have you gone to legal yet to let them know that you arent receiving any financial help from him?
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sun Jul 13, 2008 4:17 pm

No. I don't know exactly who to go to. Every where I turn, there are people who are there to support him but no one to support me and my children.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:02 pm

the legal assistance department at great lakes phone number is 847-688-3341. just explain the situation to them and see what advice they have for you.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:23 am

Thanks sweetie. I'll call today and let you know.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:11 am

I would try Legal and see what they can do.You can approach legal for a divorce so I dont see why you cant approach them to put some pressure on him.

If you have the money,take the kids and show up to Great Lakes.Laying all that shit right out there.

Start also making a plan for if none of this works.Do you have any family you could ask for help? Or any friends you could stay with until you get an apartment sorted out?

I really dont know what else to say.I'd leave my DH with the baby and have him figure it out,and move overseas ❤ You screw me over,I'll screw you over threefold.

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:30 am

imkele wrote:
Thanks sweetie. I'll call today and let you know.


yah let me know. my hubby says that they should be able to take care of it for you. start garnishing his wages and such.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:38 pm

I called them and they referred me to legal locally. I have an appointment on Thursday at 1300. We'll see what happens with that. After that, I may just leave there and drive to Great Lakes. I haven't decided on that one yet. It's a 15 hour drive. There is absolutely no way that I would ever leave him with the baby. I love my son too much to ever do that to him. I don't trust my husband with that kind of responsibility. Not anymore. He's not the same person that I married. He's not the same person that he was a year ago. At this point, I'm not sure if there is any hope for our marriage at all. I have stood by him and supported him through a lot of things and this is the thanks that I get. I am so heartbroken that I can't even think straight anymore.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:54 pm

I wasn't suggesting you would I was saying passing conversation I would.Then again my in laws would kill my husband if he pulled any of this crap.He respects' his Dad's opinion as a retired Lt.Col. and his Dad would set him straight.

See what legal can do they have the rank and the uniform to order people around.When DH's command REFUSED to give us BAH we were going to pull JAG on their ass by advice from my Army friends.My Army friends we're being screwed outta $13,000 by the Army,but when they approached legal with all their LES statements proving they hadn't recieved the money...sure enough,Army forked it over.

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:05 pm

I spoke to the Chaplain earlier today. Apparently he had spoken to the Master Chief and he's been made to give me an extra $500 a month. Big deal. And apparently, unless a company sends a letter of default to the command saying that the sailor hasn't been paying the bills, they won't do anything about it. So, even though he hasn't paid the gas and electric bill and it's going to be turned off, there's nothing that I can do about it unless I can get the company to send the command a letter of default to the command. Nice, huh? I'm going to see what legal has to say about it on Thursday. This is really screwed up. The Chaplain said that he's also going to go talk to my husband and try to find out what is going on and try to reason with him and get him to call me. He's telling me that they can't make him call. That all he can do is try to talk to him and convince him to do so. I told him that I was going to legal but I told him that I was only going about the housing issues.

His parents are absolutely no help. His mom is saying that what he's doing isn't right but won't say anything to him. He's not really that close to them anyway. But she's been more telling me that everything is my responsibility and that he really has no responsibility. BULLSHIT! I've had it. I really wish my Dad was still alive. He wouldn't let him get away with any of this shit. He would have gone out there and personally kicked his ass and talked sense into him. My husband had tremendous respect for my Dad. I've never missed my Dad more than I do right now.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:54 pm

*sigh* i just hope that legal will be able to help you out on thursday. in the mean time maybe you should call the utility companies and see if they can mail out the default paper work and make sure they send you a copy too...wouldnt surprise me if your hubby ended up "losing" any papers sent out there. it seems like youre going to have to play the game in order to get what you deserve. just keep your head up and choose to play the game better than them. your son's well being is at stake after all, and nothing is more important than that. good luck and let me know how everything goes on thursday.
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 6:03 pm

What Rachel said...The companies want their money so if this is how they do it,then do it.Get them to send him tons of mail and tons of stuff to the command.The Chaplain is right about needing the paperwork.Unfortunately.I know if you default on credit cards,then he can lose security clearances.

:twisted: Id find ways to fuck with his credit so he is in the red to lose security clearances.And once they're gone they're hard to get back. :twisted:

Honestly,at this point...I think you've been "fair","understanding" and "forgiving." Now its time to push back.

Defaulting on utility bills can indeed screw with his credit.So screw away!

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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 7:19 pm

imkele-be strong girl :) I honestly can say that I don't know what you're going through, but I know that everyone on here is rooting for you! I'm not even engaged, DB and I don't even have a hamster, lol all we share is money and that doesn't even happen a lot, but my mom's a Lawyer... She does family law, child support and divorces. She doesn't do Military Law, but I'm sure most of it is the same.. She'll help you if you need anything! Let me know :)
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PostSubject: Re: We finally got orders... not good news... (possible cussing and long)   Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:35 pm

Thanks so much everyone. This is the only place that I really have any true support. I have a little bit of support from a few of my friends but most of my family doesn't even speak to me anymore after my Dad died because of my beliefs. It's truly a fucked up situation. They were more worried about my nasty step monster who sent them all a very nasty letter after my Dad died telling them to stay out of her life and to leave her alone. That the only reason that they were ever in her life at all was because of him and she really never wanted them in her life at all. I'm their flesh and blood, I was closer to my Dad than anyone and they never even made a phone call to see if I was okay.

You all have no idea how much your support and friendship means to me.
<Big Hugs to You All>

Kelly
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