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 He's pulling his silent treatment again

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imkele
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PostSubject: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Tue Jul 29, 2008 10:46 pm

I don't know why he's doing this. I swear. Just when I think that things are starting to get better he starts pulling this crap all over again. Riley got injured on Sunday and I text him that he hurt his ankle and I had to take him to the doctor and get him x-rayed so he text back what happened to his ankle. I told him if he wanted to know, he had to call me. He never called and didn't even bother to text back. He sent me a text yesterday after Riley's appointment when he got off work telling me that he was going to call me and never did. Wouldn't answer his phone and wouldn't answer a text. This is just plain wrong. Not to even care enough to call and see how his son is. To see if his son broke his ankle or if it's just sprained. Tonight Riley tried to call him and got voicemail. He's been throwing up. I text Pete to tell him that Riley wanted his daddy and didn't get any response whatsoever. Am I just stubborn or stupid?
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Rachel
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:01 pm

wow...i cant believe he wouldnt even care enough to see how his son is! it seems to me like hes sending a pretty clear picture that he doesnt want to be involved! this is just crazy to me...i just cant understand why he would be such a jacka**! sorry it just upsets me lol
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:19 pm

But yet when he does talk to me, he says that he wants us to PCS with him and wants us in his life. I have no idea what to think anymore. I just feel like a fool. Am I stupid for still wanting to try to make it work? Am I stupid for still loving him?
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Rachel
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:22 pm

no! youre not stupid by any means...every woman wants their marriage to work and every mom wants their kid to have their father! just from what i know i would say maybe just wait it out until you get together in california and then go to counseling...he needs to know and understand how abandoned you feel! he is a part of this family and just because geographically he isnt around doesnt mean he cant be around emotionally.
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:52 pm

Thanks Rachel. I've been feeling really stupid lately. I've had a lot of my friends telling me that I'm a fool for staying with him as long as I have. I needed to hear someone tell me that they understand.
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Rachel
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:14 am

:) youre welcome. I dont think its stupid...i mean no one can understand exactly what youre going through except for you and your husband. And you know what is best for you and your family. I think too many married couples give up and just go the "easy" way and get a divorce. People should fight for their marriages...and sometimes thats really hard!
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asailorslove
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:22 am

wow not even called to check on his son. that is just wrong. wats his prob? he is a dad no matter where he is. i am sorry hope things work out

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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:57 am

I am so sorry girl! I really hope he gets over "it" (whatever "it" is)and everything gets better! **hugs**

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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:13 pm

Ever since he started A school he's changed. I don't know who he is anymore. The only time he was the man I married since then was when he came home for emergency leave in October when I had to have breast surgery. He was afraid that I had breast cancer. Luckily it was only a fatty tumor and not cancer. Before he left for the Navy, he was a wonderful husband and father to our son and the girls. Now it's like we don't matter to him at all except when it's convenient for him. He's having too much fun being single I guess. I really don't know. It hurts all of us so bad. When we tell him, he acts like everything is all my fault. Tells the girls that everything is my fault that he's been acting like this. That's total bullsh**. I've been doing everything that I can to keep our family together and he's been doing everything to tear it apart. It's been killing me. I've been having to see a therapist and a psychiatrist for the past year and a half because of all this. It has been tearing apart me and my girls relationship too because I'm so torn up. Kayla has now decided that she isn't going to move with us and she is going to stay here in Maryland when we PCS. She doesn't have a job and has nowhere to live. All because of the BS that he has put us through.
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Rachel
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:47 pm

i would definitely say that he just doesnt know how to handle the separation...but hes in the Navy so he needs to get over that real fast.
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UncleSamWifey
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:54 pm

Yeah,I also think if at all possible families need to go with spouses.You hate to sound psycho...but its so easy to pull an 'out of sight,out of mind' bullshit on your family,and you can keep an eye on him.My husband has thrown around different jobs/branches,and told me once if he chose said A branch/job hed be gone for 3 years and I couldn't accompany him.Yeah like Im gonna okay that.

Its hard to say what to do now.Because he spouts all this crap one day and then does another.

I just dont know,what to say Kelly.

Id beat his ass either way for you :D

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rdersham
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:11 pm

I think most men/women DO change when they join the military...I know mine did. Just make sure you're always doing everything you can to keep your family together. Once he's out of the military, things will be back to normal for sure HOPEFULLY before then though for your and your kids' sake.
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:39 pm

UncleSamWifey wrote:


Id beat his ass either way for you :D

I appreciate that. Someone needs to do it. That's probably exactly what he needs! :D
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:08 pm

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate the support.
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:05 pm

I finally spoke to him. I called one of his friends and she put him on the phone because they were both on the smoke deck. I talked to him for a few minutes and then he said that she needed her phone and he'd call me back from his phone. And he actually did. We spoke for about 30 minutes. He gave me some BS reasons for not calling. Saying that he's been busy and sick and whatever. He was fine and not busy enough last night to go out with his friends. He can hang out with his friends all the time but he can't be bothered with calling and checking up on his son. This is ridiculous. But then he tells me that he loves me. When I ask him if he really does still love me, he says yes, of course, and asks why do I keep questioning that. I told him because he doesn't act like it sometimes.
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:12 pm

well at least you got to talk to him...
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Rachel
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:12 pm

ahhh! that last one was 666 so i have to post again
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:08 am

LOL!! That's too funny Rachel!
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:15 am

Just keep on confronting him...you gave him a good reply.

I think some of this may be he doesn't wanna deal with the "issues." Men have hard problems discussing feelings...it sucks but they are.

Id keep on pressuring him and holding him accountable.If he says he loves you,then he needs to show it.If he doesn't wanna be with you and the kids,then fine he can file for divorce.If he wants you to be there,then he can start busting his ass to get housing/orders changed.

Just keep on holding him accountable to his words.

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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:17 am

He did answer the phone when Kayla called him tonight too. She had someone pull a gun on her and Mary Ellen tonight out in front of our house. That and we had to take her cat to the vet today because he's been pooping blood and not eating much and they kept him overnight for iv fluids, testing and observation. So far, the bloodwork has come back normal and the x-ray is inconclusive. He was actually really supportive to her when she called him. That was good. :D
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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:25 am

UncleSamWifey wrote:
Just keep on confronting him...you gave him a good reply.

I think some of this may be he doesn't wanna deal with the "issues." Men have hard problems discussing feelings...it sucks but they are.

Id keep on pressuring him and holding him accountable.If he says he loves you,then he needs to show it.If he doesn't wanna be with you and the kids,then fine he can file for divorce.If he wants you to be there,then he can start busting his ass to get housing/orders changed.

Just keep on holding him accountable to his words.

True. He is being detached from Great Lakes in September and has to report to Camp Pendleton by October 11. He is still saying that he wants us to move out to CA with him. I am doing my best to keep talking to him about telling him how I feel and keeping him accountable for his actions, but it's hard with the distance. It will be a lot easier when we are in the same household and I am going to keep him to his word to go to counseling.
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:06 am

well i agree about just keep confronting him. men do have probs about disscussing thier feelings. by you keep on trying to get ahold of him and everything like that shows that you are not giving up on yor marriage. and that you are wanting to make it work no matter what it takes. it is only going to get better. and i to think you should be with him where ever he goes. i wish i could have gone and lived with my dh but he did not want me to because he was always in and out of port every week for the whole year almost. you are a strong woman and you are going to be ok you have wonderful friends on here that are here to support you and if you ever need anything you can pm me ok . i wish you the best,.

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imkele
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:49 am

Thanks so much. It's good to know that I have friends here that understand what I'm going through with the Navy stuff. None of my friends here understand that at all and most of them have just been telling me to just leave him and have been telling me that I'm a fool for staying with him and trying to make it work after everything that he has put me and the kids through over the past year. Some of them are supportive and say as long as that is what what I'm sure I want to do and they hope that things go back to normal when we get back together. They knew him before he joined the Navy and they are really shocked that he has been acting like this. Even they are saying this is like the Anti-Pete. He's acting the exact opposite of his personality before he left. I was talking to one friend of mine last night and he wants to kick his a**. He probably won't but I'm sure that when he comes home for leave, Arron, who was in our wedding, will come home from school and have a nice long chat with him and ask him what the hell his problem has been. He's pissed and extremely protective of me. He's like my huge little brother. He's 6'8" tall and 300 lbs compared to my husband's 5'10" and 180 lbs. LOL! :twisted:
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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:18 pm

yeah i have friends that dont understand the navy stuff. but i do have a few that jus sit there and let me cry on their shoulder.

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PostSubject: Re: He's pulling his silent treatment again   Fri Aug 01, 2008 8:05 pm

I hope things work out, I know they will, though it may not be what you or your friends want it to. YOu and i are going through similar things, though you have a few more things to think about, like your kids. I decided to separate from my husband and give him a chance to fix himself, it's the only way that he has a chance to get better and make it last. Good luck with whatever you decide if you ever want to talk you can pm me and I'll send you my email. I'm moving in with my marine friend and his wife and they just moved so I'm not on as often as I used to be, but my wednesday I should be able to be on regularly.
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