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 Trust Issues?

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PostSubject: Trust Issues?   Thu Jun 05, 2008 11:18 pm

Does anyone else have problems with their hubbies not trusting them because of what other people say? My hubby has heard all these horror stories about peoples SO cheating while they are out to sea and stuff. and the place we are station is known for wifes cheating so he has been having trust issues. I haven't done anything different then before and havent ever cheated on him or anything of the sort. but he still is all worried. we have talked about it and he says he will get better. just wondering if i was alone in the. :?:
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Thu Jun 05, 2008 11:55 pm

I understand.

Maybe he's scared of losing you. I would reassure him over and over and be there by his side the whole way.

I heard horror stories of women cheating...it's not right but I also heard of stories where the women at ports throw them at the men. That is scary as well.

Also if he said he will get better then he will! It just takes time trust me :)
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:58 am

Yeah its just really hard cuz i mean when we first got together he didnt have any doubts in his mind. we both trusted each other 100% and then after moving here things just went down hill i was so excited to move here and get a fresh start...so hopefully things will get better. and i do reassure him everyday and do cute little things for him jsut to show him how much i love him. so i think things will start getting better again.
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:06 pm

My relationship was like when hubby and I started dating......everyone kept telling him stuff about me that wasn't true! I don't know whether he believed any of them. I do know that everytime someone said something to him about me he would tell them that he would have to figure it out on his own.....and look at us now, we are going on almost 4 yrs together!

Just keep reminding him that you aren't like the other women......you have respect for the relationship you two have with eachother!

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PostSubject: issues   Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:29 pm

I understand what you are saying. I have the same issue as you too. Deployment sucks and being so far away is hard. Is this his first deployment? We just went through our first. A lot of times you hear that if you are apart that it will make you stronger, and you are probably not feeling that. The stronger part is the struggles that you go through as you are separated and the trust that has to be built up cuz this is all new. It is easy to trust someone when you see them every day but it takes a lot to lean on that and build on that when you don't see them for months. He is probably just scared because of what they see on the ships. A lot of sailors don't take marriage seriously and you will hear the phase "what happens at sea, stays at sea" it is horrible! Your husband is probably seeing this and just getting upset about it. You and your husband trust and love each other and that alone will pull you through!!!! just keep up the good work making him feel special and reminding him how much you love him, and how he is the only one for you. You will make it through strong and it will get easier.
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:34 pm

Thank you everyone for all your support.

he's not out to sea yet he just attached to his squadran and they arent due to leave till next year sometime. so we are learning how to communicate with each other. we have both grown a lot closer to each other i think this whole issuse acctually helped us in the long run. it was rough but we are pulling threw. i know he loves me. and he knows i love him. and things have turned around. and things couldnt be better.

thank you again. and if anyone needs help with anything dont feel scared to talk im here for you!
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Thu Jun 12, 2008 12:24 pm

I kind of have the same issue. But it's not because of the other Sailor's wives. It's because the girl that was with him before we met cheated on him. So anytime I talk to any guy he thinks the worst. Yet when we were home in his hometown where I didn't know anyone he left my by myself in a restaraunt to go talk to a girl that he went to school with. And I told him that I could of pulled the stuff he did with me but I trust him. And he was like well I trust you but I don't know who you've dated and stuff. I mean he's getting better at it. We used to argue about it, but I realized arguing wasn't going to help it so I sat him down and talked to him about it. I don't believe in cheating. I think you should just seperate. It's a lot better now that we've talked about it.
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Thu Jun 12, 2008 12:41 pm

Yeah we had a problem with communication i would get mad and yell and he would just sit there and not say anything. and it would be a battle. but i have learned not to yell at him..and he has opened up so much more. and we have been doing so much better. its been great.
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:27 am

hey i totaly understand. my so has that prob with me and i have been faithfu; and everything. i just tl him over nad over that i love him and i am here waiting for him. he is on a ship and see things all the time but he knows i am here waiting for him and i love him. just keep telling him that and it will be ok
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Wed Jul 02, 2008 1:49 am

ilovemysailor- I wish I could not yell. I mean I usually have VERY good reasons to yell, but it's that irish, german, and swedish blood, I'm hot tempered lol and I demand to be listened too lol
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:18 pm

Well my dh trusts me always has. But sometimes he has his fears b/c they are gone so long but its the same for us just as the worry sometimes we do to well i do its hard being away from each other so long but you just have to trust each other and not let outside influences Mess with you! I hope he starts listenig to you and not stupid people from the ship!!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:23 am

yeah i just made a post about this in the "talk about it" forum. the guys on my husband's boat keep telling him i'm going to cheat on him and leave him when he's out to sea.....i hate people that try to ruin other people's lives.
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Mon Aug 25, 2008 11:12 pm

I think all the guys worry to a point, some show it and others dont... DHs ship is has one of the top 3 highest divorce rates on base and its mostly because the men cheat on deployment (and i have heard some stories about that) It all depends on how much its talked about and the place your at i suppose

Just reassure him, do small things to show he has nothing to worry about. He knows he doesnt, hes just a little scared cuase of ths horror stories
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:31 am

Wow...reading all this...it reminded me of when Jarad and I were pretty fresh in the relationship. His previous girlfriend had cheated on him...actually, its a long long story. She was the one he kind of held a torch for for a very long time. She was also the reason he was never going to get married. One day he went to a friend's house and I said I was going to my friend Monica's to do a mural on her daughters bedroom wall....well, I called her and no answer...and I was already on the way to her house in Suffolk. Since she didn't answer, and I hate driving all over the place I thought I would knock out a visit to my brother who lives in Carrolton. I didn't call Jarad to report otherwise...I am a grown woman and honestly, I didn't realize that it was going to be a big deal, after all it was my brother. I hadn't seen him since he was five years old...and we had realized we lived near each other. So I went there. My brother is in the Coast Guard...aha...see where its going now??? So I get there, we go out by the pool and its him, his girlfriend and a bunch of his friends and their wives and girlfriends and kids. Jarad called and asked how the mural was going...I said I'm at David's...he said I thought you were going to Monica's..I said I was but she didn't answer so I popped in to see David...."who all is there" "are there guys there" "are they in the Coast Guard" "how long you going to be"...he kept calling. Finally I went to Monica's house..and I kept getting calls and texts..."how old were the guys" "did you talk to anyone"....It was a miserable flippin day let me tell you. The last phone call he said he was really tired and when I get home not to bother him if its late...I said what is considered late...He said seven...and it was like six already. I'm like whatever....so I drive home...I come in the bedroom and he is all laid back on the bed, acting like I wasn't in the room...had the remote in his hand...flicking channels... This is what I had to do... I reached out, took the remote from him, shut the t.v. off and said, "Do you honestly think that after not seeing my brother for 20 years I would go to his house and f$%k one of his friends?" And he sat up, held me and said "baby, I know but I just kept having these thoughts...my heart kept telling me it was alright...but my head kept running." I said honey, we need to work on this. I would not be with you if I didn't want to be with you....you know me...and I'm not your ex girlfriend. So they have thoughts...irrational thoughts...running through their minds also. But you have to trust...and have open OPEN communication. And sometimes just calling it out as it is is the best way!
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:59 pm

I wish my husband were jealous sometimes. LOL I am so jealous and worried all the time and he is just very laid back. He never acts jealous. I do have one rule for him and it is a good one for you to get your hubby's to do too. DO NOT CALL ME WHEN YOU ARE OVER SEAS AND DRUNK!!! He did that a couple of times and then I didn't get to talk to him for a couple of weeks and I was sooooo pisssed by the time I talked to him. My mind was racing a hundred miles a minute. Oh and I tell him not to tell me the stories about what the other guys are doing. Especially if I know there wives. I do not want to be put in that position and I don't want to think he might be doing it too.
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Thu Aug 28, 2008 3:57 pm

yah i think a lot of people struggle with that "racing mind" thing. we have a similar rule momof2! our rule is just that we cant get drunk around people of the opposite sex...just leads to bad stuff! neither one of us is a big drinker anyways but its always good to have ground rules lol.
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PostSubject: Re: Trust Issues?   Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:14 pm

I haven't had that problem, but maybe you could sit down with him and talk about it!! Big Hug

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