problems with dh

sorry if you've read this on the other forum...
I don't know what to do! My husband and I have been having lots of problems that we've been trying to work out, luckily or unluckily depending on perspective, he's not active duty so it doesn't affect any of that. He's cheated on me, doesn't help me without complaining to kingdom come, and shows me a lack of disrespect often. Well today I finally became honest with myself and him and told him I'm losing respect for him as a man. I think I may have been a little to honest, but I don't know. In truth I don't know if I want this marriage because I love him or if I want it because I don't want that stigmatism, I mean I was supposed to break the divorce cycle, not excell it, we've only been married for 4 months, though in truth now that I think about it, I probably never should have married him, another vote from me for abstinence cuz boy does sex complicate things! Anyway, I've been busting my butt gettiing resumes and portfolios made and went and delivered them all over town today and now after saying this to dh he's suspended my phone, so they can't contact me for a job now through phone, and I doubt the schools are going to try the e-mail address. I don't know what to do! I went and got a prepaid sim card so that I have some form of instant communication, but what now, I have no family or close friends here, I don't think I can move because I have a wedding I'm supposed to photograph on the 8th, what am I to do? I respect all you ladies and I could really use advice. I have family in fl and up north, but almost no money, in fact if I paid the bills in my name I would have no money and it's because for a while I was paying almost everything so now my credit card is built up because of him! :confused:

Sweetie I wish there was something that I could say! I can say that it's awesome that you stood up and was honest with him!

Keep your head up and smile! PM me if you need someone to talk too!

*hugs*

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. All I can say is follow your heart. You know what is best for you. What he's done to you is wrong. No doubt about it. If you want to save your marriage, I'd suggest marriage counseling. If you want to leave, talk to your family and see if there is someone who can help you. Maybe someone you can live with temporarily until you can get yourself back on your feet. Other than that, I don't know what else to say. Whatever your decision, we are here to support you!

You can PM me if you need someone to talk to. <<HUGS>>

Kelly

thanks ladies, I'm seriously considering one of those teach english in asia programs right now ;)

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure you'll make the best decision and you'll be just fine. You're a strong woman.

i think honesty is the best policy ;) and if he didnt like what he heard, maybe he should change his actions...i understand what you mean about not wanting to live up to the divorce rate, but for a marriage to work you have to have both parties willing to fight for it. thats just my opinion though! good luck with everything.

thanks ladies, He came home a little while ago and said tht he just told them to put me on my own plan under my name, i dunno, I don't really trust much of what e says anymore. He says that he wants to go to counseling and whatnot, but I don't know anymore. I feel like I've heard it all before, but at the same time, what if for once he actually follows through for more than just a couple of days. I feel so dead inside... I wish I had someone to tell me what to do, man I wish I was a kid

i am so sorry that he done what he did to you. he is wrong for that. if you want to make things work you can try counseling but there has to be effort from both of you guys. you know what is right for you and only you know that. i wish there was something to make this all better i am so sorry. keep your head up and everything will work out

I think it was good that you were honest with him. I would stay to do your photo shoot. In the meantime why not talk with your family and see if they can help you get back home and on your feet?

Thanks ladies, he didn't do my plan back, like I thought, in fact when I asked him if he was going to this morning,he said only if i changed what I said, so needless to say I said screw you. So I'm thinking I'm going to call the school I did my student teaching at and see if they have any positions left because I know I'd be hired there in an instant and it wouldn't be that bad of a move. Who knows. I'm worried that I may be pregnant though because we had a couple sessions during that particular time, but I won't find out for a couple of weeks. first time I've not wanted to be pregnant :pale: wish me luck ladies thanks for all the support, who knows...

So I talked with his aunt, who is totally on my side, and I realized that i was supposed to have authorization on the att account, so now I have my phone back! and he won't know till he gets the bill, or unless he tries calling me, though I don't know why he would since he thinks it's suspended queen I think that I'm going to at least a temp seperation in that I'm unloading all his clothes that take up the rest of the house in the bedroom, i'm going to take the more comfortable bed in the other room, move all my stuff (shower curtain, well everything I want) into my side and make him deal with his stuff for once. We'll see how this goes.

oh wow...that should be interesting! lol

problem is I feel so lazy and he has SOOOOOOO many clothes, I 'm not exagerating when I say they take up the whole bedroom plus! It's just so much work and I have no energy. tomorrow, always tomorrow, tonight I'll just stay in the living room on my comfy bed. :P

He CHEATED on you?? And you're still WITH him????? Wow, I admire you. If DB cheated on me, I would dump his bum and leave!!

yeah, I almost left, but i was promised counseling and everything else. He also cried, don't know if you've ever experienced a guy crying, not pretty. Before I fell in love, I thought I would never put up with such crap either, i don't know, I just don't want to fail. I want to know I did everything I could, it's a lot easier to leave when you're dating then married, though truthfully when you've already devoted your life to someone, despite your 'status', it's going to be hard, because you experience so many other moments.

Kim04 wrote:

He CHEATED on you?? And you're still WITH him????? Wow, I admire you. If DB cheated on me, I would dump his bum and leave!!

i concur

I asked my husband's advice and he said that someone that cheats once is bound to cheat again because they have already gotten away with it once. He said that you should tell him to "go fuck himself" and that you need to get away from him based on what you're saying about him. He said that it's messed up that he would want to disconnect your phone when you're trying to better yourself and get a job. I THINK that your husband was attempting to disconnect the phone because he doesn't want you to get a job because that would mean the living situation is more permanent.....That sounds harsh but it seems like the case and it's just my opinion. You don't have to listen to me or my husband but I thought it'd be nice to hear a guy's point of view. He also said that he would recommend just leaving and going home to where ever family or friends are that you could stay with until you're back on your feet. If that means opening up a new credit card account, do it. You need time away and once your husband has time to think about things, you should sit down and have a nice LONG conversation where all the feelings are on the table...Communication, trust, and honesty are key in a marriage. If he doesn't want to talk or do counseling, I'd say head for the hills because this marriage has been over for a long time. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do though!

P.s. DH also said, "Hell, she can stay here if she wants." And I said, "Babe, she's in SC....We're in CA." :lol!:

mjrose514 wrote:

yeah, I almost left, but i was promised counseling and everything else. He also cried, don't know if you've ever experienced a guy crying, not pretty. Before I fell in love, I thought I would never put up with such crap either, i don't know, I just don't want to fail. I want to know I did everything I could, it's a lot easier to leave when you're dating then married, though truthfully when you've already devoted your life to someone, despite your 'status', it's going to be hard, because you experience so many other moments.

Ditto,easier said than done.

When you look at someone and make those vows,everything takes a new turn.

Mj...I dont know what to say.You and Kelly both have to decide what will make you HAPPY,and will give you PEACE.If it is leaving...then so be it.If it is staying and fighting for your marriage,then so be it.

Whatever you decide Im sure we will all support you.::hugs::

thanks ladies, and rachel it is nice to hear a guy's pov. My mom always said I could come home, but she lives in PA and there are NO jobs around her, she lives int he mountains where adelphia was started so when time warner took over they took all the jobs and sent them to somewhere in asia. My dad said I could go there, but I'm not to fond of his wife and they smoke and live in FL (lol left fl for a reason) But I guess I could always go live with my grandmother in fl, oh who knows, it sucks because I was starting this business and I have people relying on me and I HATE letting people down. If anyone knows a place looking for teachers (certified k-6) I'm willing to look into anywhere right now. It's been my dream to teach abroad, but I think that would have to wait, I think it's too late and I have no money to get over there. but I'm up for suggestions.

Come to FL and stay with MEEE :)

Kim lol you're too cute. I know fl is looking for teachers my gma won't let me forget. I'm thinking if I go back to stuart then the daycare at the church I used to work for would probably hire me in an instant. but I hated fl lol, couldn't wait to leave, not that SC is much different lol

I hope you get everything worked out hun. Sounds like you're having a tough time.

I'd work there, stay, and save up money for a few months. And then I'd pick a place that has cheap living and lots of jobs and go there! :)

yeah that's what I'm thinking. Luckily we got a place with two rooms and our work schedules don't really coincide right now, so I'm thinking we'll just be hostile roomies.

mjrose514 wrote:

yeah that's what I'm thinking. Luckily we got a place with two rooms and our work schedules don't really coincide right now, so I'm thinking we'll just be hostile roomies.

:( so sad...

awww...sorry to hear about the hostile roomies thing. i wish there was something we could do to help!

we are originally from pa and i always had a job but then again i'm not a teacher, lol. you should definitely save up some money and move to a place where teaching is in demand. good luck with everything and let me know if there is anything i can do!