so not fair

So a little background on my tissue issue...
DH and I got married a year ago august 4th... I had to beg my uncle (him and my aunt raised me) to even come to wedding. DH and I had no cake, no decorations, no food no big ceremony no reception.. it was my 2 aunts and uncles, my grandma DHs mom and two friends... And the notery... Well, now my sister decides to get married, woohoo im happy for her dont get me wrong. I'm glad shes finally getting married to this guy (he was my best friend in highschool i introduced them).. But back to the issue...
My aunt and uncle are not only helping my sister plan and pick out things for the wedding, but they are helping her pay for. She has always gotten better then me, and shes older. She dropped out of h.s. at 16 to raise a baby and didnt work, didnt pay rent... and again she is living at their house for free, but i graduated highschool, had to pay my cell bill buy my own car (o yes cause they are paying for hers) and pay rent to live there all cause i didnt go to collage... but what ever im over the "i had to pay rent she doesnt thing."
What I'm not over is that fact that I was on the phone crying and begging my uncle to come to my wedding, to have him there the day i married my husband. They didnt even OFFER to help pay for anything (we couldnt afford anything DH had to fly me back here from cali and buy the license and pay the notery and get the rings)but here is the same man who didnt even want to be at my wedding, not only willingly more then happy to be at my sisters wedding and be her notery (one more thing she doesnt have to pay for) but they are actaully helping pay for her wedding!!!
How can they bend over backwards for her and do all this shit for her, when they didnt even do it for me? They didnt even OFFER!! Everyone says I should be mad, but all I want to do is cry. I have bitched about this t DH but then I think he starts to feel like he let me down, and then he says hes sorry we didnt have decorations and a cake.. I dont even care that we didnt have that stuff.... its just they are paying for her wedding and they couldnt ofer with mine!! I know I keep repeating myself but its just so messed up!!!!!

Because people are shitty...

I dont know why.NavyAirmanWifey is dealing with the same thing only it is her brother,and he again gets everything handed to him.

Why, I have no clue?

I have 2 older siblings.And none of this ever happened.Don't know why...!!!

Crash her wedding...and be a bitch :) Thats what I'd do.

I thought about it... i mean i REALLY thought about it!!! but then a guy a know talked me out if it and told me to just leave right after and tell them we have to get back cause DH has work... which would only be a partcle lie since he is getting someone to cover his duty the day after...

I don't understand it either, same thing is going on with my sil, though i don't have to put up with it now lol. Did they have to travel for your wedding? do they have to travel for hers? that may be it they may have had to take off of work and pay for traveling where they don't have to do that for her. maybe they learned from your experience, or maybe they just like feeling needed by her and want to remain close to her baby whereas they knew they couldn't hold anything over you. i dunno, but i feel for ya

llaaaammmme! thats all i can say. just be the bigger and better person.

They drove four hours to my wedding, and didnt have to take off work, its a tank of gas round trip...

darn, lol i always try and find the answer, but very rarely find it lol

Yeah my bil is a freaking piece of shit. He's wrecked 9 cars in under 2 years, been to jail, calls his mom a bitch and isn't afraid to hit either of his parents....yet he gets everything he wants! I don't understand it....my in laws don't do anything for my son...yet they buy their other son's girlfriends baby all kinds of stuff...and he isn't even related to them...now he got some girl pregnant and I know that my son is going to be put on the back burner with them even more. Thank god for my grandparents because they make up for the in laws lack of support. I don't know why people choose to do it. It's messed up. I just know I'll never do that to my kids. I'll treat them all equal.

yah thats probably the best thing you can take from the situation is just to learn from it and never do the same thing to your own children/grandchildren/nieces/nephews whatever.

Well, the bottom line is that they can do what they want...it's their choice if they help out. They may even be oblivious to the fact that you are hurting and in all actuality they are probably not even thinking that they didn't help you out. It does seem very unfair, but there is nothing you can do to change the past. You do however have the right to voice your opinion on how you are feeling now....it doesn't mean that you are being petty...the fact is you have got your feelings hurt. I don't think its wise to bring it up to your sister, because like you...you wouldn't want to have your day overshadowed by family angst. If you are able to get a moment with your aunt, you can casually say, "You know, I really need to talk to you. I have to be honest when I say my feelings got hurt when I found out that....." "and I don't understand..." Leave it open and don't go at her in a manner that she will get defensive. She may or may not have the answer that you want to hear, but at least your feelings on it would be out there and heard..validated. Maybe they were having financial difficulties, maybe your personality was different in that lets say you've always been super independent and they thought if you had wanted help you would have asked...there could be a myriad of reasons. But be prepared that even though you may tell them your feelings that they might not take it the right way. Its always hard to stand up for yourself, its not that you are being selfish when you do so, its because alot of us haven't done that before and when we do they don't know what to think and we don't know either....its so out of the norm...but I totally understand where you are coming from...just think about it and pray about it.

asailorskiss, good post

mjrose514 wrote:

asailorskiss, good post

i agree, definitely a fresh new perspective!

My husband goes through similar stuff with his parents. They do everything in the world for his sister but when it comes to him, they treat him like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. They NEVER said that they were proud of him until he joined the Navy. He was 29 when he did that. They've rarely helped him out with anything and when they did, it came with a hefty pricetag. His sister's home is in their parent's name. They have bought her numerous cars. Paid her bills. Babysat her children for free. Helped pay for and plan her wedding. They refused to come to our wedding. They also gave her a wonderful and expensive wedding gift. We got a store bought sheet cake. No gift. Not even a card.

I know it hurts sweetie. I see the same stuff in my own life as you can see. And that is just the tip of the iceburg. Believe me. I've tried to speak to my MIL about it and she honestly doesn't see where she is doing anything wrong. She doesn't see where she is treating them any differently. I don't get it. Maybe they are the same way. You should talk to them and tell them how you feel. Let them know that this is hurting you. I really hope that you find resolution to this. <hugs>