its his custody battle right?

well my dh is on deployment and he just got letter from child support for his son. i mean he has always paid not court order. but now she is wnting to do the court thing.fine with me. well he said he is gonan send me the packet and for me to fill everything out and sne dit in and everything like. i told him not to sound mean or anything but that is his custody battle and not mine. i have my own battle to deal with and it is a billion times harder for me. i mena i dont ask him to take care of my battle and i told him i dont want do it because i dont want to get in the middle. he got mad and wsa like well i want you to make a list of things you can and cannot do. i told him i dont want to get in the middle of it. i dont ask him to get in the middle of mine. was i wrong for saying that or am i right i know that these battles can get very ugly and i have my son and i am not trying to have any drama his dad is enough(mysons). what do you guys think?

i think that y'all are married and what is his is yours and vice versa...this means the good stuff AND the bad stuff. and he is deployed i mean it probably would be much more difficult for him to take care of it than it would be for you to do it. thats just my opinion though!

I see where you're coming from Rachel and in most circumstances I would agree with you but in this type of matter I have to disagree with you. When it comes to custody and child support issues, it is best to leave that to the parents to deal with. NOT the step parents. There is too much at stake to leave it on her. If she fills out the paperwork and there is one small thing that is out of place or that is wrong, it will be all her fault and he will jump on her. This is something that is his responsibility to take care of. He needs to fill it out and send it in or send it to her so that she can make copies of it and then she can send it in for him, but he's the one who needs to fill it out. It's his child. This is coming from a parent who raised 2 children on her own and who watched friends go through divorces with children and remarriages. My best friend's husband was active duty in the Army and has 2 children by his 1st wife. They have had several child support issues over the years. Even when he was stationed in Korea and my friend was still here. The only thing that she did was send the papers to him and he took care of the rest. She may have made copies and sent them in for him after he sent them back to her but that was it. It was not her responsibility to take care of it. The children are his, therefore the child support issues are his responsibility.

Yeah being a child of 2 divorces,4 marriages...2 stepmothers...one stepfather...

It is the parent not the step parent's job.

Plain and simple.

He needs to do his own dirty laundry.He married and divorced the woman.Not asailorslove.

My stepmothers would attend court with my father,and ride along for visitations but that is as much as they were involved.My Dad never asked them to fill out court papers.PLUS IT IS ILLEGAL.He can just as easily do it on a ship and mail it back to them,and get his lazy ass off to mail it from the ship.

Like I said...he was dumb enough to marry her,and smart enough to divorce her he can handle the good and the bad.

Exactly!!!

It may make him upset, but it's his child and he needs to take responsibility for what is his. I totally agree with imkele.

well i told him it is his issues not mine. i have to take care of my own. now his mom is calling me and telling me i need to call jag and get everything taken care of. ok first of all she dont even like me she is all goody goody with his ex than me. i dont want to do it and i told him. but everyone is like you married him and you need to help him with things. i agree it is his prob i dont ask him to take care of my child issues. i mean i have POA over his so. so i am not sure it is illegal?

Do you have a specific POA for court issues,court hearings,and court documents?A general POA from my understanding wont cover this.

Either way...he needs to deal with it.

He married the woman,got her knocked up and divorced her.YOU DIDN'T.

And it is complete bulls*it that he can't do anything from Norfolk/Ship.You would be AMAZED at how much I can get done and my DH can get done.Ive only seen my husband 45 days since Jan. and we've still managed to get many things done.

I dunno I think it may be they way it's coming off. I don't think it should sound like it's your problem you deal with it, but maybe more like he needs to handle it so that whatever happens he's fully in the know and in control. If he gives it all over to you and something happens and whatnot then he's not going to handle it very well. plus I'm sure it will look better in court if he's the one handling it all, makes him look more like the adult and able to handle having custody and multiple responsibilities. Good luck with it all and I would suggest being careful in this situation and not being overly offensive or defensive b/c this will affect your marriage. I think it's best for all those involved including his son if he takes care of it.

In the end, minus all of the family members' opinions, it is only going to matter if he took responsibility to finish it. It is not your in-laws place to tell you what you need to do. You are an adult and so is he, in a situation that he needs to take action. You are his support system, not his caretaker.

EXACTLY! I agree with the other ladies. If you handle this and something goes awry, then it will be your fault. This should not be left on your shoulders to handle. Also, if you are the one to handle this, for whatever reason, it will not look good for him in court. It will look much better for him in the eyes of the court if he fills out the court papers himself.

well i ony have one thing to say we are in a custody battle with my husbands ex wife right now.. i repeat WE.. because when we married we became one.. whats his is mine and whats mine is his... i do things for him ALL the time when he is at work or he cant handle it for some other reason... and i have no problem.. i go to court with him, i call the lawyer for him, and i even send the support checks out for him because he works 12 hr. days 7 a.m to 715 p.m.. i would never not handle something for him especially if he was on deployment.. its probably a bit difficult and it wont hurt you any to fill out a stupid paper..

everybody can get mad at me but thats my opinion..

and a general poa covers EVERYTHING.. including children matters!!!

I agree Lyndsi whats yours is his and whats his yours good and bad. When you married him you became in the middle of it. When you made your vows it was for the both of you NOT just one of you.

oh just in case you didnt know... when they figure up the support they will figure up both his income and hers but legally they cant count his BAH or any extra pay.. ONLY his base pay!!! so if they try to include it... they cant its federally protected!!!! make sure the judge doesnt try to pull something over your eyes with it!!!!

I'm not the type of person to get mad at someone who has a difference of opinion than I do. My opinion is based on the fact that I have been divorced and raised 2 children on my own for several years. That I have several friends in similar situations (my best friend's husband happens to have been active duty and had custody and child support issues come up while he was deployed to Korea) and even though the step parent was supportive of the situation and helped out where they could, the ultimate responsibility was on the birth parent. When court papers came to the house, they were forwarded to him in Korea so that he could take care of them personally. He filled out what was necessary to be filled out. Then, he forwarded them back to his wife who took them to the attorney and the attorney sent them off.

Personally, I would want to handle anything that concerned my child in a legal matter myself. I wouldn't even dream of asking my husband to handle it. He's been there to support me on several occasions with things that have concerned my children but he's never had to do anything for me other than take them to doctors appointments and things like that. (I'm talking about my daughters/his step children)

i dont mind sending off papers and calling the courts and thing slike that i just dont feel comfortable to fill out the any paper works because what if i put something wrong on it or it isnt right or what he wants. i mean his ex trips on the fact that i have anything to do with my stepson. i am just scared if is show up at court she will make thingsharder for him and i dont want that., i mean i think i can call the court and tell them the situation and see what they say about my dh being on depolyment. plus isnt he protected by the military so she cant really do anything because he is on deployment? also thanks lovinmysailor for the heads up i was wondering about that. also wouldnt they add her and her husband income as one and combine mine and dh's together?

they couldnt do anything without im being at the court date period deployment or no deployment if he cant get leave they put a continuence on the court hearing..

and we are going to through a very hellacious custody and child support battle right now with my husbands ex wife... and i just finished a court battle with my daughter sperm donor getting his rights signed off... and my husband did everything he could for me.. and i do whatever i can do for my husband.. since im at sahm and he works 12 hr. shifts i like to make things easier on him when i can... and i dont know what you could get wrong with the packet the only thing its going to have is where you have put how much he makes and blah blah things you should know as his wife... its not what your thinking it is.. anything besides income questions and stuff will be handled at court.. in front of a judge... and yes its household income.. your husbands household income and the ex wifes household income... and it will be calculated according to what household makes what.. if you guys make more then he will proivde more the %50 of the expenses for the child but if she makes more then she will provide more than %50 of the expenses of the child.. and the who covers insurance varies state to state. in the state of indiana the custodial parent covers %80 of uncovered medical bills.. and remember if he gets a lawyer he waives the right to have to be at the court hearing to have it.. but the lawyer can always get contiunces if for a good reason.. it all depends on the judge.. and the ex wife can not make things difficult on him just because your there.. she can but i doubt the judge will let her.. and if the judge he had for the divorce will probably be the judge for all the rest of your hearings.. unless you feel he isnt being fair then you can petition for a new judge!

i know alot from going through court battles with my daughters sperm donor, divorce with my ex husband, and now the battle between my husband and his ex wife, and i went to school for parelegal!! lol

and to imkele, i was a single mom also, and i trust my husband enough to do what i want and need him to otherwise i wouldnt have married him.. and i have been through alot of court battles and i do kind of know what im talking about!!

I'm not saying that I don't trust my husband. Nor am I saying that you don't know what you're talking about. I didn't say either of those things in my post. I was a single mom for 12 years before I got remarried and have been through a lot of crap with their sperm donor and have gone through a lot of custody and child support issues with my friends over the years. I have had to go to court more times than I can count for them as well as for myself. My daughters are 20 and 18 and their sperm donor is STILL paying child support to me and probably will be until they are 30 because he is so far behind in arrears. So I also kind of know what I'm talking about!!!

noooo nooo no... okay i came off the total wrong way.. i dont always know how to word things... i wasnt trying to say you didnt trust your husband or that you didnt know what your talking a bout... i was trying to get across that i was talking blindly out of my butt... i remember you saying before you have had experience in this.. and i was never trying to say you didnt know what your talking about!! i am sorry it came off that way.. i never meant it to.. and i was just saying my reasonings for my opinion!!! I am so sorry if i offended you!! or anybody else for that matter... i really truely apologize and hope you dont think badly of me now!!

I agree that what's his is yours and vice versa...but ultimatley that is HIS kid. He does need to fill out the papers for it. And whether he has it sent to you or just sends it straight in I agree with you about not wanting to do it.

well i guess he said that she dont want to do any paper work she just wants his son on his insurance which she knows he is on deployment and he cant really do anything. plus she knew about this way before he left on depolyment. i told him that i will get whatever he needs to get done i just need to know what to do and wher eto go and that it is going to be hard becuse i just started a new job and i am on a probation period and it is not over till like october. thanks guys for all your input i have learned so much

LovinMySailor wrote:

noooo nooo no... okay i came off the total wrong way.. i dont always know how to word things... i wasnt trying to say you didnt trust your husband or that you didnt know what your talking a bout... i was trying to get across that i was talking blindly out of my butt... i remember you saying before you have had experience in this.. and i was never trying to say you didnt know what your talking about!! i am sorry it came off that way.. i never meant it to.. and i was just saying my reasonings for my opinion!!! I am so sorry if i offended you!! or anybody else for that matter... i really truely apologize and hope you dont think badly of me now!!

Ok. It did come out kind of pissy. That's why I responded the way I did. No problem. I don't think badly of you. I accept your apology even though it's not necessary. All I needed was the explaination. I appreciate that. Sometimes it's hard when it's in an email or text. Sometimes things come across the wrong way because you can't see the person's expressions or hear tone of voice. The words are flat. Btw, if I really had hard feelings and took it personally, I wouldn't have bothered to even look at you pictures. :tongue: And they were gorgeous!!!

imkele wrote:

LovinMySailor wrote:

noooo nooo no... okay i came off the total wrong way.. i dont always know how to word things... i wasnt trying to say you didnt trust your husband or that you didnt know what your talking a bout... i was trying to get across that i was talking blindly out of my butt... i remember you saying before you have had experience in this.. and i was never trying to say you didnt know what your talking about!! i am sorry it came off that way.. i never meant it to.. and i was just saying my reasonings for my opinion!!! I am so sorry if i offended you!! or anybody else for that matter... i really truely apologize and hope you dont think badly of me now!!

Ok. It did come out kind of pissy. That's why I responded the way I did. No problem. I don't think badly of you. I accept your apology even though it's not necessary. All I needed was the explaination. I appreciate that. Sometimes it's hard when it's in an email or text. Sometimes things come across the wrong way because you can't see the person's expressions or hear tone of voice. The words are flat. Btw, if I really had hard feelings and took it personally, I wouldn't have bothered to even look at you pictures. :tongue: And they were gorgeous!!!

ok i feel much better.. it was bothering me that i came across like that.. because i dont like to offend people well unless i actually mean to, lol i can be a b*tch but usually im not.. lol you have to really do something to me or my family to make me that way!! but im glad its all over now!!

and thank you very much about the pictures!!!

LovinMySailor wrote:

imkele wrote:

LovinMySailor wrote:

noooo nooo no... okay i came off the total wrong way.. i dont always know how to word things... i wasnt trying to say you didnt trust your husband or that you didnt know what your talking a bout... i was trying to get across that i was talking blindly out of my butt... i remember you saying before you have had experience in this.. and i was never trying to say you didnt know what your talking about!! i am sorry it came off that way.. i never meant it to.. and i was just saying my reasonings for my opinion!!! I am so sorry if i offended you!! or anybody else for that matter... i really truely apologize and hope you dont think badly of me now!!

Ok. It did come out kind of pissy. That's why I responded the way I did. No problem. I don't think badly of you. I accept your apology even though it's not necessary. All I needed was the explaination. I appreciate that. Sometimes it's hard when it's in an email or text. Sometimes things come across the wrong way because you can't see the person's expressions or hear tone of voice. The words are flat. Btw, if I really had hard feelings and took it personally, I wouldn't have bothered to even look at you pictures. :tongue: And they were gorgeous!!!

ok i feel much better.. it was bothering me that i came across like that.. because i dont like to offend people well unless i actually mean to, lol i can be a b*tch but usually im not.. lol you have to really do something to me or my family to make me that way!! but im glad its all over now!!

and thank you very much about the pictures!!!

No prob. Water under the bridge. I'm a total biotch all the time :lol!: but I don't act like one towards ppl unless it's necessary. Usually anyway. :twisted: Hehehe!!!

imkele wrote:

LovinMySailor wrote:

imkele wrote:

LovinMySailor wrote:

noooo nooo no... okay i came off the total wrong way.. i dont always know how to word things... i wasnt trying to say you didnt trust your husband or that you didnt know what your talking a bout... i was trying to get across that i was talking blindly out of my butt... i remember you saying before you have had experience in this.. and i was never trying to say you didnt know what your talking about!! i am sorry it came off that way.. i never meant it to.. and i was just saying my reasonings for my opinion!!! I am so sorry if i offended you!! or anybody else for that matter... i really truely apologize and hope you dont think badly of me now!!

Ok. It did come out kind of pissy. That's why I responded the way I did. No problem. I don't think badly of you. I accept your apology even though it's not necessary. All I needed was the explaination. I appreciate that. Sometimes it's hard when it's in an email or text. Sometimes things come across the wrong way because you can't see the person's expressions or hear tone of voice. The words are flat. Btw, if I really had hard feelings and took it personally, I wouldn't have bothered to even look at you pictures. :tongue: And they were gorgeous!!!

ok i feel much better.. it was bothering me that i came across like that.. because i dont like to offend people well unless i actually mean to, lol i can be a b*tch but usually im not.. lol you have to really do something to me or my family to make me that way!! but im glad its all over now!!

and thank you very much about the pictures!!!

No prob. Water under the bridge. I'm a total biotch all the time :lol!: but I don't act like one towards ppl unless it's necessary. Usually anyway. :twisted: Hehehe!!!

yeah im the same way... im a bitch to my hubbys ex wife all the time no matter what but well i dont like her b/c well she is a b*tch and a whore and doesnt take care of the kids, lol even if she is nice to me im still not nice to her, haha