When to get married?

This is a big issue my sailor and I have. Im not sure how to really say this and I need some serious insignt and any advise.

My sailor proposed to me the night before he left for deployment, he didnt have a ring and told me he was going to buy it while out on his deployment to make it extra unique. Well when I mentioned to my parents about getting married, they flipped. They do not like him and trust him. They strongly suggest me living with him before I get married since we both have lived in different states for the past 2 years. Plus I am still in school and the chance of transferring to another university is slim to none due to the cost and my dual majors. We used to constantly talk about getting married after I finished school, but now hes telling me he wants to get married right away. He says he cant take anymore of the long distance and wants me to move over there. But I refuse to do that. I want to marry him and he is the person I absolutely am in love with, but I feel like I need to wait a little bit more till I get married. I want to, I just dont think its right since I am still in school. I dont want to sound like im selfish, but I hear my friend whos husband is in the army and shes only 18 with a baby and they are always struggling for money.

Its like a reality has hit me in a way to tell him to just wait one more year and we would plan the wedding of our dreams and we can save up money. I know once they get married they get a bigger pay since they have a dependent, but I dont want to depend on that money. I want to be independent on my part and make sure I can go out there and get a job and not having to live paycheck to paycheck.

I just need some help in what to do. I truely love him and hes everything to me. I feel like im getting cold feet because of my parents impact and my schooling.

Help???

Wow...I got married young. In my honest opinion I would follow your heart. If you want to wait then wait and if he really loves you then he will.

It is really complicated with the Navy lifestyle though.

Yes he gets more money having you down as a dependent and more. I'm not sure if he is living on the ship right now or not, but most single sailors(not married I mean) have to or in the barracks. He may be wanting to get his bah and live out in town, I'm pretty sure you can only do that being married. If they are on the ship they do not get bah(housing allowance.)

My sailor and I got married so quick(6 month engagement) because I couldn't move in with him unless we were married. I moved from MO to SC to be with the man I love, planning on going to college and having a baby this Winter. I didn't even have the big fancy wedding. I had what matered most to me though. A beach wedding with my loved ones(Close Family.)

Anything is possible so you need to do what you want. I wish you the best in what ever way you choose though and hope I was a little help. You can pm me if you want.

Oh I didn't even answer it all. I was also in a longdistance relationship with my husband for almost a year. I also do recommend you two live together before getting married. It makes all the difference.

What if you visited him more like fly out to where he is and via versa? We did that and it helped a bunch in our long distance relationship. I would talk to him about it.

I hope I covered everything this time.

Im turning 21. We have been away from each other for two years and I just think its best we learn to see each other 24/7 because we are both really hard headed. I do want to talk to him about it. We wouldnt be able to afford, housing over where he is, my apartment for school, my tuition etc. We would be extremely broke and as of right now, my parents pay for college and apartment because im a full time student and I dont really have the time to get a part time job. And no matter what...he cant afford my load on top of his. Financially we just cant do it with the situation we are in. If i was graduating this spring, of course I would do it in a heartbeat.

Technically hes suppose to live on the ship, but hes been able to "rent" from his friend who is a higher class.

That is totally understandable. All I know what to tell you then is to wish you the best that he understands your reasoning.

Good Luck Girl!!

I'd say to get your schooling done and graduate before you get married. I wholeheartedly understand that you love each other and want to be together, but in the long run, that will be what is best for your financial furure. If you stay in the school you're in now, it will be less stress on you. If you change schools to go live with him, you'll run the chance of things going wrong with school. Tuition not being paid for, you need to work so you have to cut back on classes, etc... If you 2 love each other, waiting until you graduate to get married isn't such a big deal. You're both young. There's no need to rush into it. Trust me on this. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt, 2 kids, and the divorce papers to prove it.

I also agree that you should probably live together to see if you can stand each other. You've been having a long distance relationship for a long time. Living with someone is completely different. You may not like each other after living with each other. I'd give that at least a good 6 months to a year.

I know I'm probably sounding like your mom. Could be cause I have a daughter your age. But believe me, I do have a idea of what I'm talking about. I've been there and a lot of my friends have been there and we're all in the same boat. We're all divorced. We all wished we would have listened to our parents and waited a little bit longer because it wasn't that long after we got married that things fell apart. That's why I'm saying, if it's meant to be, it will be. You don't have to rush into it.

Your instincts are telling you to do the right thing. Just follow them, they'll never steer you wrong!!!

Btw, if you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

i'm 23 so i'm a bit younger than imkele and i agree with everything she said. if he really loves you, he will wait for you....if not, it wasn't meant to be. you can't just rush into marriage just because you want to be together. when you're actually together in the military, you hardly see them anyway! so, it wouldn't really be worth your time to transfer schools, find a job, and everything just to be with the one you love when he won't be there half the time anyway. you will just end up depressed that you're alone and wishing you were back home and things will all fall apart, trust me, i have heard it from many wives. it's best to just finish school, maybe get a part-time job while you're in school to save for the wedding (mine was over $5,000 if that gives you an idea as to how much you will need)....and THEN once you have finances all figured out (since financial strain cause a lot of divorces) you can move in with him for a couple months, hopefully save some more money, and get married. we were engaged a year and 4 days before we got married. it won't hurt anything to wait, that's all i'm saying. i don't know why younger people ask for advice though because us older folks know what we're talking about and MOST of the younger people don't listen to us anyway...i hope you do though!

Thank you all for the advice.

I know not many people will want to listen to the reality facts, but I am. Trust me. I just need him to see what I see. He always says "people get married everyday and are broke" Well....we would be with all the financial part and even more bc his credit isnt amazing right now. Hes 22. Im the younger one. If he isnt willing to wait one more year with me about the whole wedding situation and we can just be engaged, then we arent meant to be. Im not going to give up my dreams and future because he wants to get married to feel better. I love him and I dont want to lose him but he needs to see that we cant do it right now. Regardless if we do a court wedding....I still lose the financial help..

Thank you girls for the help. Im just waiting for this deployment to be over with. One more month!!!

-Cass

good, i 'm g lad you listen to the advice and take it to heart. i hope he will wait for you. let us know how everything goes. good luck and we're here for you!

I'm glad that you have a level head on your shoulders and see the sense in waiting. I hope that he's willing to wait for you, but as you said, if he's not, than it's not meant to be. And to be honest, if he's not willing to wait to marry you, than you deserve better. I wish you all the best with everything. And as Rachel said, we are here for you. Please keep us posted.