dh going to army and i am scared

well my dh just informed me that he is not going to do shore duty when his contract is up in jan. i cant help but be scared. he is going to go and talk to an army recruitor(sp) on friday i told him i support him all the way. i mena he has been talking about since before we got married. i am scared that and i know that once he gets done with all the trainning and everything they are sending him off to iraq. i am scared and i dont know what to do. we have not even been able to start our lives together . and when he would be doing shore duty we would be with each other everyday and night. but he says that is how it is going to be when he is in the army. plus he is going to make rank and better pay. he is my husband and i support him all the way but i cant help but feel ;ole oi am being selfish about not wanting him to do it. i guess i am just scared.

It's not selfish!! I would be just as scared as you :cry: You're being brave for supporting him all the way!!

i agree, i dont think youre being selfish at all...why does he want to pass up a shore duty for iraq? is it really that much more pay? i would be scared too and i just hope you guys get to spend some more time together before he has to leave again!

well he says that he feels like he is wating his time with the navy it is hard for him to make rank and he feels like he is not getting any where with the navy. i guess the army offers us more. one of his buddies is doing the same thing and the army told him they will take him as soon as his time isup in the navy and that they give them eith 25 for 30 day leave then ship him out. for like a year or so. i want to tell him not to do it but he is excited and he said that if i think i am not going to be happy with this then he wont do it.we are trying to concive our first baby together (we already have two boys from previous relati.)it is already hard for us to concive since he is in VA and i am here in cali. i know that we are a military family and things get on put on hold. am i right ?

yah being a military family is definitely a unique situation...i mean i might reconsider ttc right now if he is planning on being gone for a long time. thats yall's decision though and you know whats best for your relationship. i can understand though if he's feeling like hes not getting anywhere in the navy. that must be very frustrating. it might be a better decision for your family if he joins the army...if he's happy in his career then that will make it alot easier for everyone else in the family to be happy. i think you guys just need to talk and really consider all the pros and cons.

yeah we need to really sort all the pros and cons. i am just scared. we will know if that is going to happen on friday.

My husband and I have spoken with various Army recruiters...our closest friends have massive confirmed kills,are snipers,and clock hours at Walter Reed.

The Army is offering a $50,000 bonus for signing on.You recieve a $25,000 bonus right off the bat and the remainder is deferred over the next few years of your contract.

I would highly suggest if you are concerned to speak with an Army Recruiter.I personally,dont lose sleep on the path my husband will be taking (My husbamd's close friend was a long range sniper with 29 confirmed kills,he is considered a 'crazy son of a b*tch' by Army standards) as he is interested in pursuing Ranger school.

Also whereas in the Navy making First Class Petty Officer (thats E06) could take 7 or more years.For every year in the Army,you make rank unless you're stupid...haha.They dont have the bs tests and they reward you for hard work not for who you're sleeping with :) If your husband is E05 or more,then the Army will pick your job and find something comparable to what your rate is in the Navy (they call it MOS in the Army.) If you are E04 and below,you can choose your job...Infantry,IT,etc.

The level of professionalism of the Army is so very different from the Navy.My husband feels once he joins the Army he will now be apart of the 'real military.'

We are putting in for specific orders to SC,and if the Navy cant deliever then we're off to the Army.

I think to think that EVERYONE is infantry and going to Iraq,is a stretch.Your husband can pick a job that wont have him in heavy combat.IE,he can do IT where he fixes computers...as opposed to being a Medic.Plus,you dont know how the Presidential election will go.And dont worry yourself,things are going well in Iraq...things are progressing very well.We just need to finish the job and support the Iraqi people.Dont believe the crap the mass media spews to get you paranoid.Afghanistan is the place to worry about and they're surging troops there.Theyve also cut deployments down to 12 months.

I don't think you're being selfish at all. You are scared. That is a normal human reaction. I would say that you should discuss all the pros and cons with your husband and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you completely support him but also let him know how you are feeling. If you're honest with each other, you can both make the best decision for your family. Especially after you have all of the information from the Army.

just so you know, recruiters know that the military men and women are interested in the money and benefits of the military. with that being said, they're going to tell you what you want to hear in regard to money and all that jazz. they're probably going to make it sound better than it actually is, just to make you join with them. my husband started as an e4 because he was an eagle scout and he made e5 off the advancement exam, so as long as you TRY and don't jack off, i'm sure you can advance in the navy in a shorter amount of time. everyone has their opinions of the military though and of course you're going to do what's best for your family and whatever makes EVERYONE happy. i agree with rachel, i might reconsider ttc JUST IN CASE he does get sent to iraq....if you don't reconsider then you'll probably end up one of the people that complains about their husband/wife being gone and having to raise the baby alone....you can prevent situations like that. that sounds harsh, but it's true. if you're planning on having a family and not prepared for the consequences of him going away, i wouldn't try to get pregnant. definitely tell him what you're feeling but let him know that you want him to be happy so you don't want his decision to join with the army to be affected by you. maybe you might consider living at home if he has to go to iraq? that way if you DO decide to ttc, you will have family around to help you out. anyway, good luck with everything....we're here for you and let us know how it goes!!! :heart:

rdersham wrote:

just so you know, recruiters know that the military men and women are interested in the money and benefits of the military. with that being said, they're going to tell you what you want to hear in regard to money and all that jazz. they're probably going to make it sound better than it actually is, just to make you join with them. my husband started as an e4 because he was an eagle scout and he made e5 off the advancement exam, so as long as you TRY and don't jack off, i'm sure you can advance in the navy in a shorter amount of time.

Not really...if your husband chose a horrible rate then hes screwed.You have to wait until theres openings for said rank.My husband was passed over for 3rd class last year EVEN THOUGH he had a PERFECT score.All because there were no 3rd class POs needed,then when he retook it there were openings in his rate.Also as an E05,you cannot make E06 within a year you usually have to wait 2 years max to make the rank...and you RARELY make it fast,no matter how amazing you are.And wait even longer once you're 1st class....you will meet guys who have been passed up for chief because of their actions or merely politics.We met an E06 Recruiter who was in for 6 years in the Army.That is VERY RARE in the Navy to happen.The Navy is one of the hardest branches to advance in.

The point is...its a lot of bs,a lot of politics,pointless tests...and not really gauging you on combat knowledge and if you're a good leader.My husband Christmas treed (sp?) his first 3rd class test and PASSED.Its a joke.He got it this time purely because they needed AO3s,and he passed the tests again.

Another thing to keep in mind is the Navy is the only branch that does not give you paternity leave automatically.All the other branches give it to you regardless if you have the leave days stored or not.Not the Navy...if you only have 5 days leave stored away,thats all you get.If you have 20 stored away,they'll give it to you.

If he wants out of the Navy (which if hes in Norfolk,Im not shocked...) he can always pick being a Drill Sgt. in the Army.You get something like 40g as a sign on bonus...and get bumped to E05,if he isnt already.He will have to sign a contract for 5 years(I think.)

Theres a lot of options out there.The Marines wont take him because of the kids,and he could also try the Coasties (they do like 2 month deployments.)

UncleSamWifey wrote:

rdersham wrote:

just so you know, recruiters know that the military men and women are interested in the money and benefits of the military. with that being said, they're going to tell you what you want to hear in regard to money and all that jazz. they're probably going to make it sound better than it actually is, just to make you join with them. my husband started as an e4 because he was an eagle scout and he made e5 off the advancement exam, so as long as you TRY and don't jack off, i'm sure you can advance in the navy in a shorter amount of time.

Not really...if your husband chose a horrible rate then hes screwed.You have to wait until theres openings for said rank.My husband was passed over for 3rd class last year EVEN THOUGH he had a PERFECT score.All because there were no 3rd class POs needed,then when he retook it there were openings in his rate.Also as an E05,you cannot make E06 within a year you usually have to wait 2 years max to make the rank...and you RARELY make it fast,no matter how amazing you are.And wait even longer once you're 1st class....you will meet guys who have been passed up for chief because of their actions or merely politics.We met an E06 Recruiter who was in for 6 years in the Army.That is VERY RARE in the Navy to happen.The Navy is one of the hardest branches to advance in.

The point is...its a lot of bs,a lot of politics,pointless tests...and not really gauging you on combat knowledge and if you're a good leader.My husband Christmas treed (sp?) his first 3rd class test and PASSED.Its a joke.He got it this time purely because they needed AO3s,and he passed the tests again.

Another thing to keep in mind is the Navy is the only branch that does not give you paternity leave automatically.All the other branches give it to you regardless if you have the leave days stored or not.Not the Navy...if you only have 5 days leave stored away,thats all you get.If you have 20 stored away,they'll give it to you.

If he wants out of the Navy (which if hes in Norfolk,Im not shocked...) he can always pick being a Drill Sgt. in the Army.You get something like 40g as a sign on bonus...and get bumped to E05,if he isnt already.He will have to sign a contract for 5 years(I think.)

Theres a lot of options out there.The Marines wont take him because of the kids,and he could also try the Coasties (they do like 2 month deployments.)

yah dh says that it is so hard to make rank in the navy. i have a friend in the army and he is a e5 and he has only been in for 2 years . dh is an e4 and been in 5 yrs. there is a lot of bs in the navy and dh is just not happy . the navy makes you take test for reasons that are not known. why wont the marines take him? he is just really set on the army and i am just scared . yeah he hates norfolk so bad it really is not even funny.

with my dh's rank there is like a 77% pass rate or something...i guess if you take the test, 77% of the people will get promoted...but i know a lot of other rates its like a 1% pass rate, so no matter how awesome you do on the test, or how much time you have in, you probably wont get promoted. with the paternity leave, the coast guard is the same as the navy, they will only give you what you have. i know because my brother is in the coast guard and he and his wife just had a baby and he only got 5 days leave because thats all he had. they can do longer depoloyments than two months too, it just depends on the size of the ship. my brother usually goes out for a week, then spends two weeks at home, then goes out for a week etc etc.

i would feel the same way that you are. i am sorry and i hope things get better and clear for both of you!

asailorslove wrote:

yah dh says that it is so hard to make rank in the navy. i have a friend in the army and he is a e5 and he has only been in for 2 years . dh is an e4 and been in 5 yrs. there is a lot of bs in the navy and dh is just not happy . the navy makes you take test for reasons that are not known. why wont the marines take him? he is just really set on the army and i am just scared . yeah he hates norfolk so bad it really is not even funny.

Because you have to be bumped down to E02,and go to Parris Island for bootcamp.With 2 kids...theres no way in hell the Marines will take him too much of a distraction.

I think be honest with him about your concerns,and worries.But as I know...my husband is miserable,and being in the Navy isnt accident proof or death proof either...landing gear aboard a carrier could malfunction and his body be chopped in half.S*it happens.

I look at it this way...he can be depressed,miserable and turn to drinking...and who knows what else with me and the kid or he can enjoy his job,and be happy to go into work.My husband is choosing all the paths that will more than likely put a target on his back...haha...(Going Airborne...choosing the 82nd or the 101st...Qualifying for Sniper...etc.) but its the price you pay.Many friends and many women have gone before me with husbands in difficult jobs,and their life didn't end.

He can just pick noncombative jobs and get some desk job somewhere.Another thing is,he still has to go through something like 3 months of transitioning training (before he has orders) and then go to his Platoon.If they arent going to Iraq like in the next month or they aren't already deployed...they're not gonna send him there by himself for the hell of it.Whereever his platoon/division/whatever they call it,is thats where he goes.Some guys graduate out of bootcamp,and deploy that night...some guys leave 9 months down the road.It all depends on orders.Works like that in the Navy,and works the same in the Army.

thanks unclesamswifey , me and dh talked last night and i told him i am scared but i dont want him to be unhappy with his job and i still support his choice. he is going to talk to the recuriter tomorrow and then we will see what happends. thanks girls for all your support. i will let you know what happends

so, i apparently don't ask enough questions to my husband. i was talking to him about what unclesamswifey said and he said our situation is different because he's a nuke. he actually started as an e3 because of eagle scouts, got bumped to e4 once he finished a school, and then made e5 off the advancement exam. he said nuke rates are different than other rates as far as advancement goes. so, i guess maybe if he were a nuke, he would advance faster then he would in the army or air force. my husband has friends that are in the army and air force that have been in longer than him and he outranks them because he's a nuke. i'm not bragging or anything by any means, just trying to prove a point that there is room for advancement in certain rates in the navy. thanks for the info though unclesamwifey, i think i learned more from you then my husband tells me, lol.....and i think he learned something, too!

lol i think we all learn something from each other i know i do and it is crazy how i kind of know a little more than my dh sometimes on things.

yah i know ive learned a lot being on these forums. its fun and informative ;) lol

DB's an e6 in OCS... I don't know if that'll help you guys...

It is totally normal to feel scared! when dh mentioned army i was like what???? :confused: i have family and friends in the army and it is sooo scary i give Army wives props because of the deployments they have to go through! It is tough!!! Ours are tough too but my cousi and friends were over there for 15 months!!!!!! i cant imagine a 15 month deployment!!! But is good you are supporting him and his decisions! I would do the same thing!!!!!!!


Good Luck with everything girl i wish yall the best!!!!!

now dh is just waiting for the navy to finish the paper work needed and then he can take it to the army and wit adn se what is going to happen next

wow! please keep us posted :)

ok well you all know that my dh is wanting to transfer to the army. well he turned his paper work to the navy and they just have to fill in like a couple of balnks then give it to him so he can turn it in to the army. well they have had the paper work for like 3 weeks or so and the ps1 is putting it off. so his cmc told him that not to cancel his navy orders for shore duty . so now we are still waiting to hear when he can take shore duty. as well as for the army. so what ever comes first we are going to take. they also told him to reenlist in like a few months . because of where they will be his bouns will be bigger and *&^ed free. we are both getting frustrated they are waiting till the last min with his army paper work.

bleh...hurry up and wait!

i know we are like are you for real just do what you have to do and fill out what you have to fill out that way we can get a move on with our life. but this is military and they are famous for the tell you at teh last min thing.